An Excerpt from "Love on the World Wide Web" by Sera Miles




Excerpted from Nancy Ava Miller's award-winning book,
Pervert: Notes from the Sexual Underground

Some people joke that the Internet is 90 percent porn and 10 percent travel reservations. So? Some of us love porn. And not only can the porn connoisseur find Web sites that cater to every fetish, the play or love-seeking connoisseur can also find a partner. Sites that offer personal ad postings proliferate. And these sites boast high success rates—with good reason.

For us kinky folk, meeting a potential date at the bar or through friends or at school or work can feel troublesome—even impossible. Sure, the girl you’ve seen at three social gatherings looks cute, and her conversation always attracts you—but will she wear high heels without complaint every time you have sex? Will that sexy guy in the next cubicle whip your breasts before he fucks you? Will, you must wonder, those nice people think you a freak?

Internet dating eliminates that fear. In an Internet ad, we are free to say whatever we choose about ourselves, our desires, needs, goals, and obsessions. We can outline our fetishes and read the ads of those who are like-minded.

A good Internet ad includes the following:

1.    Uses a handle (name) that will attract positive attention, if possible by pointing up one of your kinky interests

2.    Clearly states your preferred role (Dom? Sub? Switch?) as well as your sexual orientation

3.    Details your level of experience within your fetish/BDSM

4.    Clearly delineates your fetishes

5.    Honestly states your marital status

6.    Includes a photo that does not feature your genitals, breasts, or ass

7.    Lists your age

8.    Discusses the type of relationship you seek: Play only? Like-minded friends? Dating? Long term?

9.    Lists some of your other interests—books, movies, sports, for example—along with basic information about your occupation and education

A few words on photos: keep it G-rated. Save the kinky stuff for that fifth e-mail, or to titillate your new partner after a few dates. To attract potential playmates and/or lovers, show yourself to be part of our S&M mantra: safe, sane, consensual.

With those caveats about photos in mind, though, remember: your image is important. Without it, your ad will not be read as frequently, and potential partners might overlook you. If you fear showing your face, you are not alone. Showcase yourself creatively—do you have sexy legs? Soft, gorgeous hands? Use a body-part photo (innocuous, of course) and explain that you will provide an image of your face after positive, meaningful correspondence.


Get to work on your profile, boys! And check back next week for part two of "Love on the World Wide Web" with Sera.